Everyone Belongs: How to Center Those Most Impacted

Co-authored by: Adam Slade, Meagan Mac, Renee Smith, Rick Gage, Lahari Parchuri and Lili Boyanova Hugh – leaders at the Center for a Loving Workplace

If everyone belongs, why does life have to hurt so much for some? Why can this world seem so unjust sometimes? What is ours to do – what is our individual and collective responsibility to bring forward a more just and loving reality where everyone really does belong?

As leaders at the Center for a Loving Workplace, we sit daily in the tension between the possibility that we know exists and the current state of the world. The chasm to cross seems so close and so vast at the same time. How can we meet and generate the most loving, equitable, empathic, generous, and abundant spaces in one moment, and then experience or witness the most violent, unjust, unkind, scarcity in the next? How to hold and cherish the fullness of our humanity moment to moment in these trying times?

To attempt answering these questions, we gathered on October 13 2023, to grapple with the topic of Centering Those Most Impacted. A core tenet and practice of our community. Adam Slade – the Center’s President, led the conversation by sharing stories about what centering looks like in the community and got us to reflect on our individual experiences. Nowhere does this practice matter more than in recent times of collective suffering. While extraordinary times call for extra care, the chance to center others arises in ordinary moments too. It happens at work, at home and in everyday encounters.

Our reflections below attempt to help awaken what is already in your loving heart – the capacity to provide care and support, even if imperfect, and to keep learning.

What is Centering and Why It Is Important?

Centering those most impacted is a loving leadership practice. A description of that practice may be – to be fully present and attuned to another person - seeking to deeply understand their situation, emotions, and point of view without judgment. Sometimes to take action, stand in allyship and advocacy as a result.

Centering strengthens community bonds and demonstrates respect and care. It also inherently challenges our status quo and invisible assumptions. The practice is key for healing divided communities and teams in the workplace. It creates a foundation for resilience in the face of hardship. It requires us to take the time to understand the diverse experiences and needs of people, particularly of marginalized groups.

We can do so much to uplift and center the voices and needs of those most impacted. Doing so builds trust, inclusivity, and allyship. It also ensures policies and practices account for different lives experiences to prevent further harm.

Most of us have experienced times when we have been excluded, not seen, not heard, not acknowledged. But some have had a very particular and systemic version of that. It's painful to go back to these experiences and relive the impacts. Yet, being able to share those stories and their meanings builds stronger bonds between us as community members. It gets us to be able to listen, believe and hold the range of experiences that are true and alive for the people we work with.

Navigating Complexity with Care

Engaging in nuanced conversations that center the needs of others can feel extremely challenging. Trying to perfectly balance multiple perspectives and needs often feels daunting and clumsy at first. In the dominant Western culture, there is pressure to be right, know the answer, and project certainty. Yet we can simply try to acknowledge the learning process inherent in this work of seeking justice while minimizing harm. Foundational Humility is key.

Truly centering someone is complex because our stories are shaped by culture, family, and society. How can we truly understand the nuances that shape the lived experience of someone who may be different to us, without othering?

When working with people impacted, we can feel an urgency to speak up and advocate for them. But what if that is retraumatizing? What if that is not fully understood by the larger community, we are a part of? To center, we need to seek the permission of those impacted. How do we hear, understand and offer the kind of care needed in a particular moment?

As leaders, we can simply stay true to the intention to uplift care and humanity while understanding the roots of fear and threat. Recognizing this fear and its role in perpetuating harm takes courage. It requires us to step into a conversation beyond the binary labels of right and wrong and look at the wholeness of the situation. It also means looking at ourselves.

The Muscle We Need to Build

To center others requires us to de-center ourselves. But that too is a complex and misunderstood concept. De-centering self means to pause and take care of ourselves so that we don’t take energy from those who we want to support.

The ability to center others means to be grounded, present and anchored in the present moment. It’s about maintaining awareness of our whole self – body, mind, heart, and spirit. When we are grounded and in touch with ourselves, our values, and needs, it becomes easy to extend care in meaningful ways. We have the capacity to be with what Is and respond with wisdom.

When we are attuned to our own inner landscape, we can be fully available to attune to others. The muscle we are building when we step into such a presence is the muscle of love. It is that muscle that helps us to embrace someone’s story. And that muscle can grow.

So, start where you are. Tend first to those closest to you. See every interaction as a chance to center another. Maybe a teammate is navigating a workflow change, a neighbor is worried about their child, or a dinner guest shares how policies affect their community.

Are we hurriedly moving on, or pausing to truly see this person before us? Even subtle practices matter - shifting our focus, listening without judgement, making space for their story and feelings. Small acts of empathy that say, "You are known in this moment; You don't walk alone." When we center others, we uplift their humanity. In a culture that idolizes individualism, this is Radical Care.

Our Invitation to You

We end with deep gratitude for the chance to bravely wrestle with such hard questions together. It is so much easier to avoid the tension and say – “I just don’t know what to do.”; “It’s not my responsibility”. But who does that help?

While we, at the Center for a Loving Workplace, don’t have the complete answers, simply engaging with openness and care matters to us. Acknowledging humanity in each perspective plants the seeds of peace. As does tangible love shown through listening, validating pain, and suspending judgment.

Our invitation for you is to take the time and energy to reflect on these questions:

●       What does Centering Those Most Impacted mean to you?

●       What is activated for you as you think about this practice - is there resonance, is there resistance?

●       What becomes possible in your loving leadership as you lean deeper to practice centering those most impacted?

May we build societies where this is our collective practice. Where leaders see their role as upholding humanity. Where we remember that everyone and everything belongs - all our stories, all our pain, all our hopes.

November 2023