The Power of Apology: Beyond “I’m Sorry” at Work

Building a more loving workplace involves navigating relationships and team dynamics.

In our work, the need for and importance of apology and owning mistakes in order to deepen relationships through conflict is understated.

As professionals in this field, we've seen time and again how the willingness to genuinely apologize shapes the culture of a workplace and determines the strength of professional bonds.

In a recent discussion with founding members at the Center, we explored the nuances of crafting and delivering successful apologies in the workplace. A few of us shared stories of disappointment and hurt stemming from past employers’ refusal to apologize for clear wrongdoing.

These experiences highlighted several insights:

• First, power dynamics often influence whether an apology is offered and how readily it's accepted. When there's a power imbalance, the more powerful person may resist apologizing, while the less powerful individual feels unable to call out the behaviour.

• Second, the cultural norms around apology are rarely made explicit in workplaces. Norms of curiosity, empathy and psychological safety encourage people to reflect on their impact, take responsibility, and apologize sincerely after causing harm.

• Finally, the simple words "I'm sorry" are just the starting point. Truly repairing trust after a transgression requires understanding the affected person's perspective, giving them space to process, and following through with changed behaviour.

Our appeal is for leaders to pay close attention to communication skills in general and especially around offering and accepting apologies.

This work helps to create psychologically safe cultures where people can reflect on and learn from their mistakes, rather than fearing punishment. Apologies don't instantly fix every issue, but without them, resentment festers and workplace conflicts spiral.

Next time you make a misstep with a colleague, customer, or direct report, don't be afraid to take responsibility and apologize. A sincere, thoughtful apology can go a long way in rebuilding trust and morale after a misstep.

The key elements of an effective apology can fit in this framework which we think is memorable: H. E. A. R. T.

• Humbly thank them.

○ First, thank the person for bringing the issue to your attention. This shows you appreciate their honesty and willingness to address problems directly.

• Empathize and acknowledge.

○ Next, clearly acknowledge what happened without making excuses. Take ownership of your actions and how they impacted others.

• Ask how to make amends.

○ Follow up by asking what you could have done differently. This demonstrates openness to feedback and a commitment to learning.

• Resolve to change.

○ Outline the specific steps you will take to prevent a repeat occurrence. This assures the person harmed that you take the situation seriously.

• Trust the process.

○ Finally, make it safe for them to come to you again if problems persist. An environment where people feel psychologically safe to speak up is essential. Throughout the apology, validate the person's feelings. Let them know you understand how your actions affected them.

A good apology changes behavior, not just words. It takes humility to sincerely apologize, but doing so can profoundly deepen trust and respect within your team.

The key is showing through your conduct that you are willing to change. This gives people confidence that the apology is genuine, not just lip service. With an open heart and a willingness to learn from mistakes, even difficult situations can become opportunities for growth.

At its core, the ability to apologize at work comes from a place of courage, vulnerability, and care. It takes courage to fully own a mistake when our ego urges self-protection. It takes vulnerability to admit wrongdoing and face the judgment or disappointment of others. And it takes care to prioritize repairing a relationship over being right. When we can tap into these inner resources, apology becomes an act of emotional strength and wisdom, not weakness.

Sincere apologies build trust in relationships and organizations. Without them, even small hurts can fray bonds over time. With them, we create communities where people feel safe enough to be vulnerable and courageous enough to say "I'm sorry."

This is how we build workplaces where every member can bring their full, authentic selves and do their best work.

Lili Boyanova Hugh

November 2023