Universe Conspiring For My Own Good
By Rick Gage, Interim Executive Director
The ongoing process of freeing myself from assumptions about who I am and how the world works has been some of the most impactful work I’ve done. In this context, some time ago, I spent a year holding a simple question – what if the universe is conspiring for my good?
The universe in this context, for me, was basically any potent force beyond me. And I found that simply holding that question opened me up in profound ways to seeing potential and opportunities which I would otherwise have missed. After my year of holding that question, I decided that whether it’s true or not, holding that possibility helped me live better and work better. With more joy and creativity. With less time wasted in negative spirals.
It has been a habit of thought that helped balance the negative bias of my brain which is so good at noticing changes as potential threats.
Often the learnings have been in hindsight. Looking back, I can see how a challenge I faced created a constraint which called forward creativity to find a different approach which yielded benefits far beyond just mitigating that particular challenge of the moment.
For example, this summer I moved in with my daughter. In part as a response to financial constraints in my life. The rent I’m paying her is quite a bit less than what I was paying before. But beyond that benefit, what I find opening up for me in this new place and different way of living is energizing me, building new relationships, and new ways of working and living which have a deep resonance and feel like the opening of the next chapter of my life. And the possibilities are beyond anything I think I would have been able to see from the living situation I was in just a few short weeks ago.
This living situation could feel like a failure or a setback. I could hold it as a story about the bias of ageism that is limiting my professional opportunities. The constraints of adapting to someone else’s house rules again after nearly 50 years of living by my own rules could feel like a loss or some injustice. That would be a completely different energy and would probably block me from seeing much of the possibility which animates me now.
So, what does this all have to do with creating a more loving workplace?
A lot.
Our negative bias is at the root of much of the interpersonal conflict that arises in organizations. The stuff that breaks down teams and creates psychological unsafety and fear.
We naturally see the threat in change and can easily slip into an unconscious reactive mode in which we become unwitting contributors to cycles of blame and bias. Breaking free of these cycles and patterns is at the heart of reducing fear and replacing it with love.
Saying we have an agreement or norm of “assuming positive intent”, for example, seems obvious and clear. Yet it is something quickly overwhelmed and pushed aside by our internal stories of threat and unfairness when the traumas of our past are activated by behaviors we associate with those negative experiences.
It takes new mental habits that mitigate our negative bias to allow us to even hold the possibility that others have positive intent when we are in a negatively activated state. To live into this agreement, I need a way to make space for a different internal story. One in which the experience I’m having has at least some positive outcomes.
As a matter of routine, tending diligently to our own mental habits is a foundation for showing up in a more loving way to whatever arises in our workplace interactions. This is the essential core of how I can do my part in building a more loving workplace wherever I am.
Rick Gage, Interim Executive Director
Center for a Loving Workplace
